Five Things To Not Do

One of the blogs that I follow is On My Om by Om Malik. He’s primarily a tech journalist and investor, but also an interesting photographer. I was interested in a recent post titled “How Not To Interview (Interesting People)” about a podcaster who dominated a recent conversation with some really interesting folks by spending way too much time talking (bragging) about himself to the point that the essence of the interview was lost.

This article resonated for me for two reasons. One is that we often come across people, especially on cruises but also elsewhere, who ask a question like “where are you from” only to use it as a springboard to start talking about themselves. Second and more importantly, I find myself doing it from time to time. Commenting on a post or a conversation by talking about my own experience.

I’m not sure who it should be attributed to, but the idea is that we often listen in order to respond instead of listening to learn or understand. As soon as we start forming our reply we stop listening to the speaker. I also tend to ask a question and then state my opinion, instead of actually waiting for the response. I’m trying to do better.

The entire article is worth a read, but the gist comes down to these five points:

Five Things Not To Do:

1. Finish their sentences. You are not the subject. They are. So let them lead. Otherwise you get the answer you expected, not the one that was coming.
2. Volunteer your own references. Every time you name-drop, you redirect the conversation back through yourself. The subject stops leading. You get zero revelation.
3. Mention your other work. Nobody you are interviewing cares about your other work. Unless they specifically ask or comment about it, it just gets in the way.
4. Ask only comfortable questions. Agreement is not a conversation. It is applause. The interesting stuff lives precisely where the conversation gets uncomfortable.
5. Fill the silence. Silence is the ultimate pressure. Pressure produces truth. The instinct to rescue the subject from a pause is the interviewer protecting themselves, not the reader.